“We should never forget that everyone needs encouragement. And everyone who receives it – young or old, successful or less-than-successful, unknown or famous – is changed by it“. John C. Maxwell
12 yrs ago, when my son Jedi was a toddler (he is taller than me today :)we played, exchanged kisses, tickled each other, made jokes, laughed together, rubbed soap, sprinkled water on each other, made bubbles together and played with an M ‘n M toy and a Smurf red plane. It was a lovely loving evening as I gave my son Jedi a warm bubble bath in an under-size blue plastic tub. (Today baby Joshua has taken that place and that is a side note) That day Jedi looked at me and said, ‘Daddy thank you. I love you’. It was one of those moments in which my scarred emotions would get the balm for healing. I was again reminded of my childhood.
When I was 13 years old, I was in pain from the previous night’s fights and beating up, at home. I was torn deep inside and bitter. I was hungry. I was in fear, for I never knew when a fight would break out. I would look at happy families wondering how and why. I was lost most of the time, day dreaming of something that I could never really take hold off.
I longed for love. I longed for attention. I did not have hope, had no aim. I had empty desires. I could not see the road ahead. I was forever embarrassed of my oversize and torn clothes, but those were all I had. I had no money. I was mischievous. I was teased hard and bullied. I was abused sexually by different adults.
Every evening as the school bell rang, my heart would sink. I never wanted to go home. Just thinking of the nights could send shivers down my spine. But, I was excited about something. What was that?
The walk back home took about 30 mins. So, did the walk excite me? No! No! But I wouldn’t be walking alone. There were these three girls from my grade, who would walk with me. Loy, Trajkumari and Pithra [names changed :)]. What, did these girls do? They would just listen to me. I poured out everything, with every possible detail (and sometimes a little exaggeration) about my challenges, fights, hurts and difficult situations.
But this strangely encouraged me. What? How in the world did that encourage me? These are just pre-teens, just like me. Yes! But, something helped. They would ardently listen and it lifted my spirit. I still remember how from time to time they would make remarks. I would eagerly listen and often wait for them. What would they say? Just short quips like, “Hey don’t worry, Eby (this is how they called me)”, “Everything will be ok”, “You are very talented and you will do well”, “We understand”, “Don’t give up”, and so on.
Was the encouragement effective? Yes, to some extent, but more importantly, the encouragement was EFFICACIOUS.
What is ‘Efficacious’? Efficacious is simply doing the right thing at the right time in the right way, at the right place. What these three pre-teen girls did for me was efficacious.
That is all that I needed, at the time.
The Right thing: They listened to me.
The Right time: Just when I was afraid and anxious about getting back home.
The Right Way: Just as friends of my age, through words that I could relate to.
The Right Place: Just at a casual everyday life situation.
The biggest need of the hour today, is ‘efficacious encouragement with unconditional understanding’. It is very sad that we are too quick to criticise, judge, comment, frame, crucify, condemn, be sarcastic and discourage. We tend to forget that we are never in a 100% absolute position to do any of the above, by merely listening to a speech, reading what someone has said or seeing what they might have done. We are unaware of the intents of the heart, the well-spring of emotions or the mindsets of these doers. God alone knows. God alone understands. God alone hears the heart beat.
Why don’t we simply, quietly, as often as we can, in an efficacious way, just ENCOURAGE?
We just need to start looking at encouraging others as our responsibility.
Encouragement need not be just for the results, it must be for the effort, the process, the improvement and for every slight step taken in the right direction. We need to intently and intentionally look out for the good in another person.
We live in a world of e-payments, e-transfers, e-mails and e-ticketing. We need e-dna. What is it? It is Encouragement-DeoxyriboNucleuc Acid (e-dna). Our everyday attitude should stem out of this e-dna.
This will then set in motion an efficacious encouraging chain reaction for growth, morality, love, care, joy, hope and true spirituality. This is the need of the hour, and now is the time to start.
Are you now wondering whom to encourage? Well, you can start by encouraging your parents. Encourage your husband. Encourage your sweet heart wife. Encourage your child. Encourage your relatives, your spiritual leader. Encourage your colleague, your friend, your boss, a neighbour, the one who serves you, a worker. In fact, you can encourage anyone and everyone who crosses your path.
Are you wondering how to encourage? Give them care, love, time, special gifts, wisdom, encouraging counsel, hope, joy and much more, that are efficacious. Shower upon them love, appreciation, praises, positive comments, prayers and all that you are capable of. Creatively support their work, their cause, their dream, their aim and effort, support a life, a need and things that you see around you, which you realize can flourish with your encouragement.
What if someone is really, really bad, manipulative, doomed and cruel? Can you take courage to encourage this person with your private personal prayers? Yes! I am sure you can at least do this, by upholding them in your prayers and interceding that their ways are reformed and reframed. As you know, there are also millions of other ways to reach out and touch lives.
Having grown up in a difficult, dampening family situation, encouragement came very hard to me. It was very, very difficult. But I began slowly and by His grace, steadily kept the pace. Then I discovered yet another struggle. I found it difficult to intentionally encourage the ones I truly loved. Why? Because, I assumed that since they naturally knew that I valued them, why bother making the effort to encourage? But then, it dawned on me. It was quite easy to encourage people I may not meet every day or share my life with, but to take initiative and intentionally encourage the ones that I am very close to, I truly love and share my life with, is the most difficult terrain to conquer.
So, when Jedi looked at me that evening and simply responded to me in love, I saw the simplest instance of efficacious encouragement, one a child effortlessly and lovingly conveyed, lifting my heart and my spirit, in an instant.
Encouraging the ones dearest to you, is the deepest source from which the strength to encourage others flows. And HE gives greater grace.
“Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message.” Malcolm Muggeridge
